Resilience Is a Skill — Raising Capable Kids in a Fragile World: Session 324 with Paulie Gavoni and Steve Ward

In Session 324, Dr. Paulie Gavoni and Steve Ward join me to discuss what resilience actually looks like from a behavior science perspective — and why many well-intentioned adult responses can unintentionally teach avoidance instead of persistence.

We center our conversation around their book, S.H.I.T. Happens: Building Resilient Children in a Fragile World, which reframes resilience not as a personality trait or motivational slogan, but as a set of learnable repertoires shaped by the environments adults design

We talk about:

• Why resilience is a behavioral repertoire, not a mindset or personality trait
• The hidden ways adult anxiety shapes children's learning environments
• How overprotection and pressure both undermine skill development
• Designing "successful struggle" so kids contact reinforcement for effort
• Everyday moments — homework, sports, emotional setbacks — as resilience practice
• The adult's role as guide, not rescuer or drill sergeant
• Teaching recovery instead of avoidance
• Scaling challenges to build confidence and persistence
• Why discomfort is information, not danger

This discussion emphasizes practical decision-making: how small changes in adult behavior can create conditions where children learn to try again, persist longer, and experience the satisfaction of overcoming something difficult.

Whether you're a practitioner, educator, or parent, this episode highlights how resilience is built through repeated opportunities to struggle safely — and why those opportunities matter more than we often realize.

Resources mentioned:

• Paulie and Steve's book
• Assent & Trauma Informed Care: A Call for Nuance in Behavior Analysis
• Motivational Interviewing: Getting Educator Buy-In (course)
• Adaptive Intelligence: The Evolution of Emotional Intelligence Through the Proven Power of Behavior Science
• Paulie's other books
• Kind Extinction: A Procedural Variation on Traditional Extinction
• The Four Leadership Hats: Applying Behavioral Science to Leadership and Supervision (Session 321 with John Guercio)
• The ACT Matrix: A New Approach to Building Psychological Flexibility Across Settings and Population
• Session 313: Client Assent in Behavior Analysis: Balancing Autonomy and Clinical Progress (Ethics CE available)

Sponsor shoutouts

• The School Behavioral Solutions for Special Educators & Behavior Analysts. The Behavior Toolbox Conference is a one-day, high-impact professional convening that brings together experienced practitioners and leaders from across education and behavior science to share what actually works in schools. It's taking place virtually through BehaviorLive on March 5th, 2026, and will be available on-demand for those who can't make it on the day of the event.
• Behavior University. Their mission is to provide university quality professional development for the busy Behavior Analyst. Learn about their CEU offerings, including their 8-hour Supervision Course, as well as their RBT offerings over at behavioruniversity.com/observations. Don't forget to use the coupon code, PODCAST to save at checkout!
• CEUs from Behavioral Observations. Learn from your favorite podcast guests while you're commuting, walking the dog, or whatever else you do while listening to podcasts. New events are being added all the time, so check them out here. 
• HRIC Recruting. Cut out the middleman and speak directly with Barbara Voss, who's been placing BCBAs in great jobs all across the US for 15 years.