How to Build Confidence, Solved

Confidence isn't something you build. It's what's left over. You've done the pose. Hands on hips, chest out, an affirmation on a sticky note stuck to the mirror. And then you walked into the room feeling exactly the same, or worse. Here's what nobody tells you: the entire concept of confidence you've been sold was invented by an anxious preacher in the 1940s who mistook his own coping mechanism for a universal law. The research is even uglier. Affirmations reliably make insecure people feel less secure. Visualizing success decreases motivation. The most famous confidence technique in history was built on a study of 42 people that the lead author eventually had to abandon. In this episode we trace where it all went wrong, from Norman Vincent Peale to power poses to the self-esteem movement that quietly failed a whole generation. Then we get into what actually works: a discovery made in a room full of snakes, a 2,000-year-old framework that turns out to be empirically correct, and why the sequence runs exactly backwards from everything you've been taught.  Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/confidence.  CHAPTERS: (00:00) CHAPTER 1: Why Confidence Advice Is Backwards  (07:46) Norman Vincent Peale and positive thinking  (10:44) The Peale Fallacy (16:09) When confidence was a sin (27:41) Do affirmations work? (31:19) Does visualization work? (47:01) CHAPTER 2: How Confidence Is Actually Built  (53:59) Why confidence generalizes to the rest of your life  (01:03:04) Self-efficacy and its four sources  (01:09:35) The "Do Something" Principle (01:18:56) Mark's coaching story: lower the stakes  (01:32:28) The case for a little delusion  (01:40:25) CHAPTER 3: Confidence vs. Competence  (01:46:09) Calibration and the Dunning-Kruger effect  (01:51:46) Imposter Syndrome and the high-performer trap (02:02:05) The Spotlight Effect  (02:04:04) Narcissism: why it gets mistaken for confidence  (02:11:20) How to actually tell confidence from narcissism  (02:26:56) CHAPTER 4: What the Self-Esteem Movement Got Wrong  (02:30:26) Where self-esteem came from (William James)  (02:44:49) Why the self-esteem movement backfired  (02:54:10) How you actually build generalized confidence  (03:06:52) Meta self-efficacy (03:16:20) CHAPTER 5: Is Confidence Even the Point?  (03:17:02) When confidence was an insult (03:29:04) Courage over confidence  (03:36:20) Facing fear: the driving-lessons experiment  (03:40:23) Why pursuing confidence is the wrong goal  (03:45:13) The takeaway: competence first, confidence follows  (03:50:41) The 80/20 of Confidence CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS ⏹ Get 100 blades for free with the purchase of a razor. That’s over a 2 year supply! Head to https://www.hensonshaving.com/solved and use code SOLVED at checkout ⏹ Always say hello with QUO. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://www.quo.com/solved ⏹ Start eating better: Head to https://www.factormeals.com/solved202650off and use code SOLVED202650OFFto get 50% off and free daily greens per box ⏹ Stop waiting for permission to build something. Your next revenue stream starts free at https://www.shopify.com/solved ⏹ Get a new operating system for your mind. Go to https://www.wakingup.com/solved to start today and get 14 days free. ⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠ ⇨ Get clarity on what actually matters. Try Purpose, Mark's AI mentor app that learns your patterns, challenges your blind spots, and helps you take action. Get started at ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://bit.ly/4w46FMH⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW MARK Mark's IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/markmanson⁠ Solved IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/solvedpodcast/⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://x.com/markmanson⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/markmanson/⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@IAmMarkManson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices