190. Teach Your Children Well: Restaurant Manners

If you’re trying to build a family culture where eating out feels peaceful, connected, and screen-free—but aren’t sure how to get there—this episode is for you.

We’re a family of foodies…plus we travel a lot. Based on those two things alone, we end up eating out often. Almost every single time we eat out with our now 12, 10, 9, and 4 year old, we get complimented on the behavior of our children. I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying it because it signaled something for me…according to many servers at these restaurants all across the country, our children are not the norm. They don’t often see kids off screens at the table or kids that order for themselves or kids that make eye contact. And that’s a shame. Those 3 things should be the bare minimum expectations that we have for children in restaurants in America. Bare minimum. Even our 4-year-old does these things.

Examples: *Airport in Denver. He couldn’t get over it.

* The biscuit shop in Nashville. “How do you do it?”

Have a realistic goal based on their age

* The goal is not perfection. A successful dinner out is not a flawless dinner. Food is going to fly. Chairs are going to fall over. Silverware is going to be dropped. Drinks will spill (again and again and again). They are going to want to not be sitting the whole time. It is not going to be peaceful from day one.

* And the one time it is peaceful? It does NOT mean you have arrived. This is years of training. (i.e. writing letters correctly)

* Our attitude: You are not entitled to a peaceful meal out or even the opportunity to engage in an uninterrupted conversation with your spouse or friend or family member. You are training up your children well. They are part of the dinner and part of the equation.

 Start when they are young

* Take your babies and toddlers out to eat

* This is not a date night, this is a family dinner and you are in a season where you have to teach your kids about restaurant manners and this lesson will take years of training and patience.

* Kids mirror your behavior. If you are anxious, they will be anxious. If you keep getting up, they will keep getting up.

* Give grace. Offer napkins and a sympathetic smile to other families. We can create a supportive culture.

How to keep them “occupied”

* Don’t make “entertainment” the goal. Your child does not need to be entertained. By all means, bring a restaurant activity bag with simple things like stickers and a notepad, but only bring it out as a secondary need. If the wheels start falling off, that’s when the bag comes out.

* Tic tac toe is your new favorite game. So is would you rather. And I spy.

* Keep them engaged. Here is a menu. We need to look at the menu first. We need to decide what we want to have to drink. Sportscast the meal for them.

* Don’t drink alcohol while you’re out with your children and teaching them. Your wheels start to fall off. Lessons get blurred and unclear. Kids mirror us and it creates confusion.

 Set up clear expectations...

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This is actually all REALLY FUN.

Dining out is FUN, not a pressure cooker experience.

This isn’t a rigid activity with a set menu and harsh participants.

Compassion as a first response

“Is it good to be me with you right now?”

I think the thing that people are noticing is that we are having a pleasant, present time together. We’ve got a groove that doesn’t include screens and our kids are participating in the meal. They’re not in the way or bystanders.

Be patient

Be present

Be logical

Hold the space

Hold realistic expectations

Set your family up for success

Remember the long game

Be a unified front in this experience.

It’s about helping our kids feel confident in everyday situations. And remember…our kids mirror us. So when we’re confident, they are confident.   

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