#002 - Alex Hussain - Son of a Pastor Who Left the Church and Found God

I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm confused. And I'm worried I'm never going to know God.

That's how this episode begins...

What follows is one of the most honest conversations about faith, spirituality and the search for the divine you'll hear anywhere.

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Alex Hussain is one of the most honest voices on faith I've ever sat across from. This wasn't a polished theological lecture.

This was me, on the record, admitting that every attempt I make to find God feels like an intellectual search that leads nowhere — and asking Alex to help me find a way through.

We went everywhere. Religion vs spirituality. Why the church can feel like it's selling certainty instead of creating space for questions. How Alex went six years without feeling God at all. The moment God came back — and what happened in that room. Why your anger at God might actually be the most honest prayer you've ever said. And why the personal development journey is about becoming, but the spiritual journey is about realizing you already are.

This episode is for anyone who has ever sat in a church, a meditation retreat, or a morning practice and thought — I know something's supposed to be here, but I can't find it.

In this episode:

- Why trying to find God intellectually might be exactly what's keeping you from him

- The difference between God moving at the speed of light and the speed of love

- Alex's six years of spiritual disconnection — and the moment it broke open

- Why going to church thousands of times, the closest he felt to God was at a rave

- What the personal development journey gets wrong about God

- How your anger, confusion and grief might be the purest gateway to the divine

- Why asking questions in religious communities can feel like a threat to your belonging

- What sin actually means — beyond the one-dimensional version you were given

- Is AI the devil?

- How to pray when you don't know how to pray

Alex has no current public social media account.

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Chapters

03:00 The real reason you can't find God and it has nothing to do with faith

07:20 God moves at the speed of love — what that actually means

13:20 We don't want to obey God. We want God to obey us.

17:00 The most peaceful he has ever felt is when he is not the centre of his universe

30:00 The personal development journey is about becoming. The spiritual journey is the opposite.

37:00 He went to church thousands of times. The closest he felt to God was at a rave.

44:00 The moment Alex stopped feeling God — and the six years that followed

1:06:00 Sing, dance, play — why the inner child is the gateway to God

1:09:00 Can God handle your anger?

1:19:30 The day God came back — what happened in that room

1:28:00 How to actually pray when you don't know how to pray

1:36:00 What belonging to God does to every other desire in your life

1:46:00 What is sin, who is the devil, and is AI the antichrist