Belonging Without Conforming — The Path From Pseudo Self to Solid Self

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation.My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more.Resources Related to the PodcastLuke’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:Episode #714: Why Do We Want What We Want?Episode #910: Thick Desires, Political Atheism, and Living an Anti-Mimetic LifeThe True Believer by Eric HofferEducation of a Wandering Man by Louis L’AmourAoM Podcast #1,025: The Life and Legacy of Louis L’AmourAoM article with L’Amour’s weekly to-do listsAoM article and podcast about C.S. Lewis’ The Abolition of Man and the idea of objective valueThe Courage to Be by Paul TillichThe Quest for Community by Robert NisbetAoM Podcast #847: Overdoing DemocracyAoM Podcast #1,010: How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated SelfAoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated LeaderDying Breed article: A New Kind of Monasticism — The Power of Community to Shape the SoulThe Rule of St. BenedictConnect With Luke BurgisLuke’s websiteTake your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESSTimestamps0:00 Introduction0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 994:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul)14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge)44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.