206: Avoidants: Did You Mean Anything To Them? What's Really Going On After A Breakup

Why does an avoidant ex look completely fine after the breakup while you're falling apart? In Part 2 of this 4-part breakup series, Sabrina breaks down avoidant attachment after a breakup using actual attachment research, not the recycled TikTok takes. She explains what deactivation really means in the nervous system, why avoidants register as less distressed in the acute post-breakup period, and what's actually happening when they seem to move on overnight or jump straight into a new relationship. You'll also learn the three types of avoidant reach-outs (suppression breakdown, the phantom ex phenomenon, and the rare real reach out), how to tell which one you're getting, whether avoidants can actually change, and why you keep responding even when you know better. Stay until the end for the Tool of the Week, the single most useful practice for anyone trying to heal from an avoidant discard, an anxious-avoidant dynamic, or a breakup where you can't stop wondering if you ever mattered to them. Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at http://sabrinazohar.com/book If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step  ⁠HERE!⁠ If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠ Get Ad free ⁠HERE!⁠  Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠HERE!⁠  Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠HERE!⁠  Don't forget to follow ⁠Sabrina⁠ and ⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠ on Instagram and ⁠Sabrina ⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠YOUTUBE!⁠ Please support our sponsors! Take Cheers Restore after your last drink or before going to bed and wake up feeling at least 50% better — or your money back. For a limited time our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order at CheersHealth.com/SABRINA #Cheers #ad Get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping at Boll And Branch with code sabrina. Bollandbranch.com/sabrina Ready to upgrade your eyewear to something functional, fashionable, fun, and affordable? Head to goodr.com/SABRINAZOHAR to claim $10 off your first order. ============================= Chapters: 00:00 Inside the Avoidant Breakup 06:10 What Avoidant Attachment Really Is 10:45 Why Avoidants Don't Grieve at First 13:21 Avoidant Discard vs Breakup 17:08 The Suppression Study Explained 21:20 3 Types of Avoidant Reach Outs 25:37 Why You Keep Responding 28:21 Can Avoidants Actually Change 31:12 Healing Without Becoming Avoidant 33:40 Tool: Stop Predicting Their Feelings Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices